It is easy to recite the “Remember Me” lines, “You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he lived.” Reflecting on the impact a recently passed veteran has had on me, it is difficult to fight those sad emotions.
Two weeks before veterans day, Lt. Cmdr. Donald Thompson passed away at 98 years old. A Navy aviator in World War II, he lived a remarkable life. As has been reported in many places, he fully lived life to the end. I previously shared his war experience in the Battle of the Atlantic, and on this centennial of the Armistice of World War I, it would be easy to focus on the period of his military service. For Don, like all veterans, their military contributions to the country are a portion of who they are. My experience with Don, as my neighbor since I was two years old, was of the whole person, and how has had been an enduring role model.
Reflecting back on our interaction, outside of our family, Don has had the most influence on my parents and me in ways that have profoundly shaped our lives for the better.
Professionalism
Without question, he is the first person I knew that was a professional. Not as a point of status, he wore a suit to work when most everyone I recognized wore a factory uniform. At the time, he was a couple years removed from managing customer service at Lyon Metal Products. Our family was modest, both my parents worked hourly jobs at the office furniture manufacturer in town, and came from modest backgrounds of our extended families. As a child, I certainly did not recognize this in any measurable way, but looking back, his professional manner and the subtle differences of being a leader, as opposed to being led, came through in his interactions.
When I was in fifth grade I interviewed him about working. It was a sizeable report for a ten year old, but I only recall one question I asked. Why did he go to work at Merchants Bank after he retired from his career at Lyon Metal Products? His reasoning, “I still have a lot of suits to wear out.” Though a nod to his dry sense of humor, it reflected his nature as a customer facing professional. And where better to do that than at a bank.
Charisma
A natural friendly, extravert, everyone that came in contact with Don liked him. The volume of people at his funeral and the number of glowing stories on facebook reflect the caring, personal way in which he connected with people. In these outpourings, I an see that my family and I are not the only ones with which he connected, seemingly effortlessly.
As an introvert, I would gravitate to his wife, Doris, and her quiet nature, but was transfixed by the ease at which Don connected with others. He made friends and lasting connections in every aspect and endeavor of his life. This seemed impossible for a shy kid that did not want to introduce himself to anyone. I have strived for that continually, and know the impact of openness and a smile can have on others.
Caring Unconditionally
It is a disservice to quantify such things and the most difficult to put into words. I can say confidently that Don and Doris were the first people, outside of my family, that loved me unconditionally. They may have deeply cared for other people as well, and I hope that there are many others who had the gifts of life with them that I have. It would be too easy to say that they were like grandparents. I do not want that analogy to oversimplify their effect with a stereotypical idealisation, or to marginalize the relationship of my family.
Whether it was a swim meet or a Cub Scouts event, Don would periodically attend my activities. This type of caring and interest in others cannot be understated. Learning that there were people interested in my life was significant. It was a safety net. I knew my parents cared and would support me. Having someone outside of the nuclear family provided an added dimension of confidence. Although they were childhood events, the particulars of which are long gone, this interest and personal caring created confidence. Pursuing the unknown and trying new things is in part from his unconditional love and support through those formative years of my life.
Giving
During his full time work career and part time jobs after retirement, he always maintained charitable efforts. Throughout his adult life, he was a Shriner, supporting their causes. For many years he also volunteered at the nearby hospital and raked up over fourteen hundred hours of service. His giving was my early motivation of helping others. This example has continually motivated me to be involved and give back to others in areas where I can.
Adventure
Although we were only neighbors for four years, Don and Doris’ connection to us endured the rest of their lives. After moving, the frequency of visits with them became more spaced out, measured in months instead of days. When we would stop to see them, there were always stories of trips they had been on and where they were planning to go on vacation. Don drove them everywhere, they hit almost all 48 states during their 66 years of marriage. Doris also shared with us her love of visiting Bavaria.
Absent their vacation adventures, my only concept of travel was going to see my grandma in Florida. The concept of going on vacation, in what seemed a far off place, was unimaginable. The stories and trinkets they brought back made these places attainable. I embraced their stories of adventure. The idea of travel is difficult for some. I think about the twelve countries and twenty-eight states I have visited in my professional career. Though those experiences are not vacation, Don and Doris’s influence has made embracing the unknown destination my default mindset.
Growth Mindset
Don had a growth mindset well before it had a label. He was always trying new things. In his seventies he got on the internet, complete with a Compuserve email address. He spent the decade as an octogenarian working part time in customer service at Home Depot (because he was a people person!), and being an early adopter of a smartphone. In his nineties, he started using facebook (because why not), flew a T-6 Navy trainer aircraft (it was liking riding a bike, he proclaimed) and went skydiving (how did a doctor clear him to do that?).
The growth mindset was ingrained in who he was and remarkable to see from a front row seat. My effort of writing in the last couple of years is definitely a result of his influence, as a creative outlet and tackling a new domain. I hope to maintain such endeavors and continue to be relentless in learning like him.
Closing
We are fortunate to have veterans whose sacrifices in the past, along with those active duty service people enduring today, have made this present possible for us. I am so fortunate the relationship I had with Lt. Cmdr. Don Thompson and the positive after service impact he had on me, as well as all those he touched in his civilian life. Reflecting back, there is no doubt he has significantly contributed to the life I have today.